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How can one believe in their own good when in the past people consistently crushed oneapos;s self esteem?� Thatapos;s the question I am trying to figure out. No matter how good people tell me I am (in all aspects), I just canapos;t accept it. I donapos;t remind myself of the good. I just hear the haters telling me that I am not good enough. I guess it was so drilled in at very pivotal points of my life, its what I believe. To the point that I feel I sabotage my own progress. I subconsciously do things that reinforce the negative thoughts. Then I prove myself right... Oh I wasnapos;t good enough. Thatapos;s why I failed. But no, my thoughts of myself arenapos;t good enough. Thatapos;s why I fail. Emotionally, professionally insecure. I donapos;t know how to stop it. I motivate everyone else to be their best. But when its my time, I just donapos;t. Before I was saying how the nature of my work is temporary. Everyone was let go yesterday. Except me 4 others. And of the four, I am the only one functioning on both remaining teams. That says a lot. But here I sit today doubting that I belong here. Feeling like the others are smarter. Wondering what made them keep me. Is it Iapos;m pretty?� Of course not. Its because of my abilities. But I still donapos;t feel confident. Iapos;ve always excelled in just about everything Iapos;ve done. But not in my mind. My mom was a perfectionist. Maybe I feel like I still donapos;t measure up because there was never any pleasing her. And I chose partners with similar hang ups. Thus confirming what my mother had always made me feel... Iapos;m just not good enough. My boss said I need to work on my confidence. He says its the only way to make it in this world. So, where do I get that?� When do I start to believe and understand that I am destined for great things, but only when I start really believing in myself. Iapos;m always surrounded by haters. I attract what I am. They and me hate on me equally. Hmm. I must do better and see myself for the wonderful dynamic woman that everyone else sees.

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